You say Easter, I say Ostara

My uncle's wife.. hmm my aunt I guess huh?.. hehe was talking about having gone to an easter vigil. She's lutherun.. (I don't know how to spell it) .. anyway, and she said it was very interesting since she had never been to one before. She said they go before sunrise, they all sit in the dark with each person holding a lit candle watching for the sun to rise. When it does, they turn on the light and all sing and chant and celebrate. She's very religious and definately would not be open to hearing about my beliefs, but if she were.. I thought how interesting that they don't realize the connection to the pagan belief of our goddess giving birth to our god symbolized by the sun... and that we celebrate Ostara around the same time as easter as the beginning of new life with the whole resurrection bit. It's crazy to me that it's even still denied. I mean lutherun's can accept catholics... but I guess we're just too different? hehe. ;) (The virgin goddess Diana is symbolized by the rabbit, the egg is a symbol of fertility and new life, the sun is the symbol of our god.) You call it easter, I call it Ostara. :D

Crazy week

Even though today is sunday.. and technically the first day of the week for some, I'm hoping it's the end of a very hectic week for me.

Monday the 10th I donated plasma for the second time ever. It hurt a little more than the first time, but I attribute that to my choice to use the same arm only two days after doing it the first time. Later that night I had the worst heartburn that I've had since being pregnant with my first son. I don't think it had anything to do with the plasma thing but, I had to lay down it was so bad. The nausea was the worst.

It was my husband's 30th birthday though, so I tried to fake my way through a nice dinner out. I had to excuse myself and get sick in the restaurant bathroom, that wasn't pretty. He felt bad for me when he realized, but I said I'll be fine and I actually was... for awhile anyway. We made it to walmart... got some feeder fish for his oscars then went home. While we were away, the kids (with the help of my sister who was sitting) baked him a cake and wrapped presents for him. It was so sweet. We all sang and then watched him open presents. :D

On tuesday the 11th I had jury duty.. blahh! I thankfully was dismissed, due to the fact that I have to transport my kids to and from school everyday, because we live on the other side of town and the bus doesn't run that far. There was no one else that could do it for me. The case was a criminal one. Rape... and attempted rape. My god, I don't think I could have done that.

On wednesday the 12th I had a cousin come into town, she spent the night at my place. She's early teens so it was interesting having her.

On the evening of thursday the 13th we decided that it was finally warm and dry enough to pull the kids' bikes out of storage. We worked and worked with our oldest and by supper time that boy was riding a two wheeler by himself for the first time in his little life. We grilled out that night..

...as we were getting things ready the girlfriend of another of my cousins called. She told me she thought she was going into labor, since she believed her water had broken... I was the labor coach, so I had to keep near the phone. She called again later and verified that yes it was her water, so off to the hospital I went.

I spent the night of the 13th in a fold-out chair.. well.. two hours of it anyway...and the rest keeping a close eye on her. She delivered her beautiful son at 3:44pm on friday the 14th, both mom and baby are doing well. He's perfect and I can't wait to see him again!

The next day saturday the 15th was scheduled to be my two oldest boys' birthday party... around 30-35 people in my house.. that I cooked for. It was crazy. My gorgeous boys had a great time and got exactly what they both wanted which was a very rare priviledge for me to be able to do for them.

I now have a very happy video game junkie... not restrained by wires... and an aspiring rock star with a shiny new electric guitar and enough amplifier power to blow the roof off. Two of my cousins decided to stay over, I dyed some hair.. black for his.. and some of mine. :) I've got purple again.. purdy!

Today was sunday the 16th Easter, and since my extended family does a get together for dinner we decided to attend. The kids hunted eggs in our backyard and collected their treats, then we went to my uncle's place and had a great dinner.. menudo, tamales.. so much food .. and it was all sooo good! Lots of people, mostly little ones... it was a good time. :) Now I'm just glad that the kids don't have school tomorrow, so I don't have to get up early.. but then again, it would be so nice to have a little quiet in the house after that mad crazy week. Ahh well. There's always nap time. :D

Sept. 9th '05

Some pretty wonderful changes have happened since my last post. On August 26th, we moved into our house.

You can't even begin to imagine how it makes my heart feel to see my kids playing in the yard... "our yard". :D After years of waiting and hoping...we have a house... a real home.

The husband said that he would do his damnest to get us in there, but that in order for it all to work...I couldn't put off getting my license any longer. So I did it... I practiced, and made the appointment...and then took the test all in a month's time.

The kicker for me was that I actually passed. I was so sure I was gonna have to take it more than once. Call it paranoia/self-doubt whatever, I don't know.. but I really was prepared to fail and accept it and try again. Maybe it's because of that outlook, that I didn't.

I tried not to put so much pressure on myself, but there was a lot counting on it all working out so I just did it, and tried not to think so much into it.

That was on the 19th of august, and today is september 9th... and today the husband bought me my first vehicle. hehe.. sounds funny.. I'm not exactly a teenager...and this is my first vehicle.

When I was first looking at cars like 12 years ago, I had my heart set on a '76 Monte Carlo... black with red velvet interior and red running lights. lol... it's funny how times change,
because I really had my heart set on a minivan this time. :P

It's a '94 Safari XT.. it's actually just old enough to be cute and yet new enough to not be a total piece of shit. hehe I really like it... and the interior is blue...( my fav color) it looks pretty good .. and the husband says it runs really well, and it's an all wheel drive so that's cool for Minnesota. :)

Doing daycare, I needed something that I could fit our four kids ...and 3 more into for getting them to and from school each morning. I'm really excited about it, it's going to be weird not having to ask for rides or having to try to count on anyone else for getting to me where I need to be. The husband is proud of me and that makes me feel a million miles tall.

The boys started school the day after labor day, they love it. Babygirl starts headstart on Monday the 12th. The whole process of getting them to and from was quite interesting for this first week. With help from my mom and sister we made it through. They really were a big help. Beginning monday, I'll be dropping off my boys at their school, and then taking Babygirl across the street to headstart. Then I have to go home to my empty house, until the bus drops her off just after one.

Mom, my aunt and I have been having morning coffee just about every morning... I'll have to keep doing that. I don't like the idea of sitting home alone...after 9 years of motherhood ... my heart just can't handle the idea of an empty house already.

I know it's only for the two and half hours that Babygirl's in headstart, but still...
the silence in this big house is going to be an painful reminder that they're all growing up so fast.

I think that, as much as I can, I'm going to volunteer in her classroom so that she and I (...probably mostly I )...can cope a little better with this separation. I think that as soon as I know that she's gonna be ok..that I'll be able to enjoy the little bit of freedom that this will bring me, without so much anxiety. Wish me luck!

Almost Time....

With this move coming up... I feel like a little kid in the backseat. You know, the one who's always goin' "Are we there yet"? We're still waiting to see when exactly we're gonna get to move in. I'm hoping that we'll be able to get in before the kids start school on the 6th. I guess we'll have to wait and see. :D

Moving Day!

Yay! For any of you that are still following me... we got the house we were hoping for! We're all so excited. This would have never happened without the extraordinary amount of help, both financial and physical, that my parents have put in to get us here. The house is right next door to my parents'...hehe. I know what you must be thinking, we're all gonna go nuts right? Nah, we have a very good relationship tempered with respect and love and I think we're all going to be just fine. There are 5 bedrooms, three bathrooms...a formal diningroom...and a very nice sitting room aside from the livingroom... the yard is wonderful and very nice sized...this will be perfect for the the kids. I'm soo happy I just can't put it into words. Thanks to all the well-wishers too... I'm sure that didn't hurt. When I get a chance I'll put up more pictures. Oh and if anyone of you that know us well.... don't call us soon we're gonna scream so hurry up and call already!....(YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TOO!) Well, since we're at the public library, still don't have internet at home, I suppose I'd better go and let someone else us the computer. Bye All!

~ShadeDarkwolff

Hermit Crabs

Living in an apartment building and having sons, I've always had to answer the same old question, "Mom, when can we get a pet"? My sons are 9, 8 and 6 and the only pets they've ever owned were tadpoles, frogs, and goldfish. Although we're actually a little closer to getting a house, it will probably still be a few years yet. I've been doing a lot of searching to try to come up with something that the kids could keep. ( w/help of course) I wanted something that wouldn't be too terribly difficult, something that boys would be 'into'.
We decided to get some land hermit crabs. As of this post we have 5 purple pincher crabs. They are quite interesting little creatures. Here are three of them and this is their current residence.
I'm supposed to be getting a bigger tank today, who knows if that will happen or not, and then I can completely pimp it out for them. If anyone is interested in all this good stuff, a great site to check out is www.hermitcrabassociation.com . The people there are so great and they really know their stuff!

Is the week over yet?

This week has been... *sighs* long. My husband had surgery on his right wrist for carpal tunnel, two days ago. He's recovering well from that. Poor thing, they gave him Vicodin for the pain. It makes him feel so drugged, he hates it but the pain is too still too much without it.

Tristen seems to be having some more issues in school again, I'm probably going to have another meeting about that soon. This time his teacher says he's been being disrespectful, hmm.. he says he just had to go to the bathroom and when he got back his teacher gave him a look, so he responded with "you know where I went". I guess that ticked her off. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. *shrugs*

I've been talking to my 7yr. old for the past few weeks now about an upcoming surgery he's scheduled to have. It's tomorrow now, and he's very nervous.

He's going to have an umbilical hernia fixed. His doctors, dad and I had been watching it for changes since he was about 4 yrs old. When he was born it was a lot bigger than it is now, so his drs. had hoped it would repair itself by the time he was 5. Obviously it didn't. We took him in when he was 5, and the surgeon at that time said lets wait another year.

His regular dr. took a position in Africa, so we wound up getting a new dr. We didnt' really think much of it for that whole next year, and when this school year started I decided to get it checked out again since I hadn't seen a change, and well... we go in tomorrow at 7:45. I'm keeping him up late tonight, and feeding him lotsa filling foods... well until midnight at least.

We've had a lot of good questions through teary eyes, and lots of big hugs.
I know he's gonna do great, I'm just not so sure about myself. It's so hard to see your baby like that.

*Daddy's doing great, and stopped taking his meds as soon as he felt he was able.
**Our 7yr old made it through his surgery with remarkable bravery. I was a wreck, he did wonderful. We went home the same day, boy he's one tough kid. He recovered well, and is back to his normal self. :D

Some People!

I was without a ride the other day, and desperate to go shopping. (I'm a shoppaholic)

I just really wanted to head to the mall. My husband was working and I don't drive myself....that's a whole 'nother story. I decided to take the city bus. Yeah, mass transit...a little freaky, but it gets ya to where you want to go.

So I'm standing at the bus shelter, and this man walks up and we struck up a conversation. Just the usual small talk to begin with. Looking at my daughter he asked is she was my only, and I told him no, I have 3 boys too. Turns out he had a son who was in school right then. I said yep, my boys too...it's a girls day out. He asked if I was from here, and I told him yes I was born here.

Two years ago he had been living in the Twin Cities, where he said it is horrible. (I have heard stories, but having never lived there myself, I can't really say whether it is or not). Before that he had been living somewhere in the south. Looking for a better place for his son, he wound up moving here and he says this is the worst place he's ever been as far as prejudice goes. (He was black) He also said he's moving back to the south with his son and never coming back this way again.

Very sadly I do see what he's talking about. I myself am Hispanic, and very dark skinned. My kids are half hispanic, their daddy is white. Race has always been an issue, people do see my kids differently I see it at school, and in public places and it makes me so angry.

I live here...I was born here, I've always been here and I'll probably always be here. During the summer months, we have migrant workers who come up from the south to work here for the farmers, and so often these workers of whom the majority are hispanic, are looked down upon by other nationalities. This in itself is so wrong, but also the fact that these same judgemental people lump me into this category, and treat me worse than usual during the summer months as if I'm some kind of second class citizen.

I see the disgust in their faces as they watch me walk my 4 kids to the park. Yes, I have 4 kids... and yes we like to walk to the park... where does it say that's a crime...? Or is my crime just that I'm not white? Pretty sad.

Anyway, back to my story. I eventually made it to the mall, where I met up with my cousin and her little daughter. She and I were in the women's restroom helping our daughters out of their winter gear and I was tellling her about this conversation I'd had.

I told her that it sometimes makes me feel ashamed to say that I am even from here. About this time a lady comes out of the stall and stands there near us. When I paused in my story, she said...can I just say something? I just wanted to say that my husband and I just moved here from Florida. We had to move, because it was just getting to the point that we couldn't communicate with anyone anymore. We had become the minority. You two speak so well. I have to tell you we appreciate the english language. That's all I wanted to say...and she said it like.... like she was trying to support what I was saying and I couldn't believe what had just come out of her mouth, I was completely blown away as she walked out the door I just stared at my cousin (who was returning the look).

Some people are just so friggin ignorant it's unbelieveable.

kids are crazy...

I'm always trying to stress the importance of wearing all available winter gear to my kids, because the winters here are just insane.

I was telling them about how easily fingers and ears can get frostbite without winter gloves and hats. I know it's awful, but I wanted them to have more motivation to get that stuff on.. because more days than not as they're walking home from school, I see them hatless, and gloveless again.

I wound up telling them that their skin where the freezing air hits it can die...and that motivation I was talking about... that those parts could even fall off. (yeah horrible I know, but it worked!) So the other day my 8yr old walked into my room having just gotten home from school, and asked me if it was possible to get frostbite on your neck. I said, "well yeah I suppose, that's why you need to wear your scarf". Then poor little thing stared at me with huge wide eyes for a second before he said anything ..then asked "Can your head fall off"? Had to grab him and hug him and tell him no baby that can't happen... and I said "who told you that"? He said "no one... I was just thinking". Hehe... made me feel bad, I need to watch what I say, but still, it gave me a giggle.